THE PRIDE OF MY FALL

Sadly, or not, I have returned to where I was almost exactly one year ago. Yes things have changed for the better, but also, they have not changed at all in many ways. I am now alone again as both of my roommates have moved out, James recently moved in with his girlfriend Tracie down in SC. I will miss him,,,, unlike the other roomie Nyjh who just disappeared one day this past summer,,, which was fine with me.
Unlike last year, I am employeed and love my job,,, even if I made the mistake of asking a 'friend' to come and apply (she was hired) and I found out,, we were not as much friends as I thought.

This predicament of having invited a Nemesis into my newly created reality of employment has had a double edged effect. I have learned to listen to myself, and learned the power of silence, vain talk has become a burden to my soul and I yearn for silence. I have learned that communication is not always possible with talk, sometimes silence is what is called for to truly be effective in getting real meaning into a situation. This really has saddened me in many ways, to see that good intentions can really pave the road to hell. But, I am a survivor and if anything, I thrive in crisis and turmoil.
Recently I read my I CHING and the hexagram represented this for me, it is THE HEXAGRAM that most likely represents me the most fully. #29 KHAN, THE DEEP
The Oracle reads:

The Deep within the Deep The Superior man is a teacher and practices what he preaches. Because of his sincerity He is said to have a penetrating mind. (Any action is valuable)

This oracle says I thrive at dangers edge,,, confronting death and my own mortality, funny I always thought that my worst aspect,, yet it seems to be my personal Nemesis, flirting with Chaos at danger's edge.

So, I am now alone again trying to keep this house afloat, alone again relationship wise and alone again with my Nihilistic outlook............ There is no meaning to life........................except..... What you put into it.
Today I came home, fed John Dee my lizard, fed the cat's Pud and Monkey, the dogs, Mystical and Titan and last BlueBoy the Beta fish. I didn't eat myself until 11:00pm,,,, while reading an article on Restricted calorie diet. Seems that according to recent studies,,, if you live on the edge and eat close to starvation calorie intake,,, you live longer and are healthier!! Such is human contradictions
Wishing to speak, my silence returns.
Any action is valuable

The cycle spins faster, and repeats itself again, but of course is not the same. The Deep quandry appears beneficial to my growth. Who would have thought that I would finally listen to myself.