MAN WHORE

I was talking to my witch girl friend Heather the other day and we were talking about men of course,, being that she is in lust at the moment and I am always there to offer advice that no one takes. Least of all myself, I never listen to me.
But the subject turned to the religious phenomenon not well known or understood of the sacred prostitute. Heather is all into the goddess mysteries and fills me in, where even a gay male can't go regarding the Lady. Fascinating stuff that idea of the sacred in sex, even if our puritanical ideas need revising regarding the whore.
I say this because we were talking and as I recounted for the billionth time the 'Men of my Life list' I realized that I had chopped the number to an efficient size of 5 on the slut sizing system. They were, as many of you know,, the LONG TERMERS!! Those that may have known better, but stayed longer than most would have dared. Sounds terminal, and felt like it in a few cases, but as Heather and I talked I remembered how my old roommate Rick, and the second 'one' on the list, also named Scott (I know, don't go there till you know it all) we made a List. It was THE LIST. A no holds complete listing of EVERY MAN we had been with,,,, It was an heidiously large number way back then and we were dumbfounded and acknowledged ourselves Whores for our private disclosure of accountability, in raw numbers. I hate fucking numbers like this,,, so BIG!! What are you going to do,, you just stare at it. I was so paralysed with numbness over shock of my pure slutness.
That was then,,,, now, ... whatever,, The LIST needs a few more names added in my mind now. Don't tell me I am all spent out, that was it,,, come on,, ,,, I would even go for another one that only was described by hair/eye color,, name forgotten in the heat of the moment.
I am ready for a second helping of some of that,, It wasn't all just about sex. But I will have a helping of that too..!!
So, when Rick, Scott and I did our selfwhore test, Rick was virginal compared to Scott and I, and I left Scott in the dust,,, later I thought the Number may have contributed to Scott and I splitting up. I think he was shocked he was the Hot Dancer at the Club,, those numbers should have been his,, but . I was just being honest,,, and I had a head start on everyone. I had to go back alot further into the teen years to hit my first,, and that was being slightly dishonest,, but I wasn't counting the Playing doctor times like they were doing,, the number would skyrocket. Today, I would like to see that original writing of all the names as I am sure I have forgotten a few on that list,, but more than have enough. Wish I had bought a bigger blank journal to record them on though. Sometimes you just remember one for no reason.
Out of the nowhere the memory of the cute boy from Kentucky with dark skin and blue eyes who looked and smelled so naturally sweet enters the brain. He at least was around for a few different occasions and don't know how he did not make the list,, must add one more from Kentucky.
Heather says that homo's can so embody the Erotic Sacred Whore, and I agree, but always thought I was a Priapus devotee,, not the whore of Babylon!! Shocks even me sometimes when I really think about it, but of course I am on this Karmic kick which explains it off as part of my karmic mission of reconcilliation of all my opposites. I used to see it like a cruel sick game, played by the deities,,, torturing poor innocent homosexuals by making them think someone for them was out there,,, just for them,,the ONE,,, well a homo will go to work on finding the Right man for the job. Interviews,, lots of them,, some get pre employment screenings in private and public. Others are fired immediately. The shortlist 5 became partners of the Firm for differing periods of time, until the last, whom I offered the whole business at a cut rate price. (Guess I was feeling like an old whore then,, spent, just spent)
Now the Firm is in shambles, seen better days and knows it. Not so many applicants any more much less real interviews.
The number of interviews this whore has had,, it looks sad, but I don't see it that way.
I touched, physically, emotionally and otherwise,, many many men. The List started as one of those drunken games played ,, truth or dare like. The List became my tool for Recapitulation, my Shamanic list of souls touched. The Names: a Mantra song of Love's Momentary existence.
I have expounded on it to include, all the people I have ever met in my life,, down to the doorman opening doors and the bums encountered in the street. It has became an exercise to find the people in the web of my life, who touched me there, or was present for a moment here, then gone.
It has helped me form my basic philosophy of life, it all changes, CHANGE IS ETERNAL and the faces although to others seem way to many , changing through every ethnic hue and size,, but in all I saw divine being. God touched me somehow through them in some odd way. Heather said it was my sacred whore acknowledging itself with all the obsessive thinking I have been preoccupied with of late. I told her I was just a whacked old whore looking for the One. Sounded pitiful, until looked at in a different sacred way.
Recognizing the consistancy behind the Change is always good. And I realize There really is only One, all along, just in a multitude of flavors