Dust in the Wind
Lately I have been seeing some things that put it all into perspective.
The Last time I did Karaoke among the songs that I sang was this one by Kansas. I had been trying to sing things a bit more uplifting and new to me, then I turned on a dime. I don't know what it was but a wave of nihilistic melancholy hit me square in the soul. I was looking around the bar and watching all the people laughing and having a great time with their lovers and boyfriends and saw myself in the mirror that covered one of the walls.
If it wasn't visible to everyone else who saw me that night it surely was visible to me, I was Dust in the Wind. A vision of myself transformed the image in the mirror, I watched as I changed with the flickering lights. For a second I saw the young man I was twenty or so years ago, then I watched as the image progressed. The lights were changing as Shaun switched songs for another would be American Idol and I couldn't break away from looking at myself in the mirror. The image was again changing and I saw myself as of 10 years ago, then 9, 8, 7, until it was me again as I am today.
Then it went further and I watched as I became another year or so older, with a bit more gray and then older with a few more wrinkles. The progression continued and continued with more years being added until the image burst in dust and crumbled in the mirror. I took a drink and when I returned my eyes to the mirror it was just me again.
I started up to the DJ box where Shaun sat and was stopped by a man I had a rather odd one night stand with once, he said his aunt had just died. I could tell he was doing some drug or another. He looked away, looking for his next conquest, turned and disappeared in the crowd.
I finished my walk up to the DJ booth and gave Shaun the last song I wanted to sing for the night.
Today, my mother had to work through the 1st anniversary of her beloved's death. It was a very tough day for her. When I got home I had a message from her on my answering machine, she asked me to pray for her, for strength to get through this time. Even though it was very late, I called to wake her up. I had to hear her voice, because this song was screaming in my head. It may be all I have, for who knows in an instant our loves can be gone.
In the mirror I saw myself go from 18 to 100 in less than a few minutes, then it was just dust.
So much filled my mind regarding my life and life in general. We are just specks in the vastness of the universe. Fleeting and momentary we are and we live as if so much that is not important is the most important thing in the world. It is all nothing without love. It is not important if it doesn't promote love.
In the mirror I became dust,
But today, today I am ALIVE and with all that has transpired over the past few years and even given the fact I am without anyone significant to stand with me, I am ALIVE.
Tomorrow I may be Dust in the Wind, but today I am ALIVE.
And I am going to live my life to its fullest before I am dust in the wind.
To the fullest.
4 comments:
Sorry to hear about your Mom. Our family is getting close to the same thing.
Fortunately for me, the "dust in the wind" theory has always made sense.
Also, to accept that we start to die at our birth, has been profound in my outlook on death itself.
Anyway, nicely written!
Scott
This was a great post. I often reflect on my life, where I have been and where I am going. One does wonder sometimes what it is all about. Will anyone remember? Will they care, or will we just be that dust in the wind. I think they will remember and care because of what we leave behind. When we give a part of ourself and leave it along with love for them the wind may blow that dust, but somewhere a tiny speck will remain in the hearts of those we touched.
Your mom lost her husband yet he remains. The love they shared is still alive. The strongest wind can't touch it, and the dust remained.
Anyway I hope that made sense.
Hugs to you and enjoy your day.
I love this post,Scott! It's beautifully written too.
To be aware of ones own mortality is a rare thing these days. We must remember to value and cherish every moment.
Your road is a very spiritual one and not without reason my dear friend!
Blessed Be
Zoe xxx
Well said, Scott! The dust thing hit me in Europe when, as a young man, I walked in the ruins of the ancient world, Eygpt, Rome, Greece, Persia, etc, looked at the worn cobble stones and thresholds where sandals had once trod thousands of years ago. While I shrank, time elongated into infinity.
I cannot understand why people spend their lives chasing after money and power, things they can't take with them. Enjoy the moment I say.
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