Random thoughts of Late and a Song

I have had a very odd month, with the last week the icing on the cake. It has been a horribly sad month and of late an uplifting one. My diminished faith in humans was given a boost that has left me stunned to this day, I am still in shock from Sat and all that my local group of magical thinkers did for me,,, dumbfounded by the Love has been my motto since then. I had not been washed in that kind of loving support in a very long time, or I had carelessly overlooked it. Now I am so acutely aware of how even the smallest of smiles can affect others around you.
I would have never thought that I had effected some of the people the way that they say I have, I could not have guessed my words to them were really thought on. So many times I have thought I am just another dreamer singing to the wind,, but my friends and wonderful acquaintences I have met recently say differently. John Lennon is right, there are others who 'Imagine'.
One of the reasons I have pulled the Yeats out is that he expresses many of the thoughts that are going through my mind. In his theory of the gyres the midpoint in the picture I posted last, it is the neutral point. Not good, not bad, Neutral. I have been there too long I think and for all of it's merits as a place to be spiritually, it also is full of faults. One being it is a place where one can become very indicisive, I did it. You see the merits of both sides, and thus become in effect, ineffectual, indecisive not able to choose between two things easily. Sounds simplistic, but I see that is where I have been for a long time.
My cynical nature also led me to a place I would have rather not gone, distrust in myself and thus those around me, I became the thing I disliked the most. I lost all of my faith in the worthiness of Humanity, almost to the point where I could say, " who cares if they destroy themselves, they are unworthy anyway." Is this what I thought of myself. It scared me to realize this, and today I am deeply troubled by how far down the slippery slope I slipped.... Or trippped.
As I have mentioned before Sunyata sent a note to me that has really affected me very profoundly. So profoundly in fact that I believe that had I not had the experience by way of her note, which led me to '''let go of the Shore.''' I believe that I would not have been able to experience what happened this weekend with all of my friends who came together for me. It would not have happened, because I would not have allowed it if I had kept hugging the shore, wallowing in the red mud of the riverbank so to speak. This has moved me beyond in a way that shocked even myself, who is used to jumping from 'box' to 'box' philosophically and emotionally. This took me by surprize,, it took a number of people here by surprize also, they have since confided that they too have been pleasantly surprized by the ACTION of those few soul, renewing my faith in the many and ALL of Humanity.
Believe me, I am not your average bleeding heart liberal,,,, though I admit,,, it bleeds profusely. I know that there are those out there who could care less, and will think otherwise about this situation, but it has affirmed me that humans can come together in altruistic caring for their fellow humans.
Rain and I talked a bit ago, we admited to each other that after the Sat. Monday and Tuesday have been let downs. She broke down Monday and went off on a woman in a parking lot. She was very remorseful for having down that, but given in one hand she had just recieved her husbands death certificate and in the other a bill for the hospital, a Five digit number!! The woman was crass and honestly doing what is one of the biggest problems I see, being selfish and having no curtesy. Is it that hard for us to be kinder when we publicly engage with each other. Rain repeated her ''speech'' to the lady. I wish I could write it all down here, but the jest is that ''The world does not revovle around you solely, others may be going the the worst situations possible to imagine, you don't know so be kinder. The petty things that we huff, cuss or throw our middle fingers at, maybe we should hold up our hand and extend a blessing instead of a curse""
Wish I had been a fly on the wall there!!
Rain was upset, so I told her, you may not be able to tell this woman face to face, but you can tell the universe to Transmute your thoughts from that time, bless her now, forgive, apologize anyway,,,,, even if they don't 'deserve' it!! And we both are trying to keep each other on a 'straight and narrow path'' We are given chances to TRANSMUTE the nastiness that prevades our society. That is what we must do. Push those daisies, petunias up in our footsteps NOW.
Emotions are real, and we talked about how they need to be expressed outloud, sometimes a stranger is easier to target it too,,,, we can still be Authentic, but at the same time Transmute the discord that exists because like
Yeats said, "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;"

Entrophy is a word that we need to understand here,
Left ALONE, things do fall apart,
If we as Humans, can come together
Centered by our HUMANITY
There will be Nothing we can Not Hold.

So with that said, I guess it is understood, I do believe in Utopia.
You ask me, "Why?''
"Because I know it is Possible."

I know this may be strange but this old Who song has been playing over and over in my mind since Saturday and today I heard it like I have never heard it before, I used to think it sad, today I think differently....


Behind Blue Eyes.
No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it’s like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

No one knows what it’s like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes