Meeting nice gay men in Charlotte is a problem that I have been battling my whole gay life. It isn't like Charlotte doesn't have gay men, they are everywhere, I mean this is the Queen City (Charlottes Subtitle for those who didn't know), yet alas, I don't want a Queen. Hell I have even given up on the Knight in shining white suit. I would settle for something simpler, like a man with a job, his own life to supplement my own. And really would be happy to find one who lives on this continent as I seem to only be attracted to men who live on the other side of the world.

If you are not into the bar scene, which I am totally over, you are just SOL here. There is the Caribou Coffeehouse, which has Wed night as a gay gathering night, but when I go there are just Twinkies and flamboyant queens trolling about, with a number of trolls in tow. I go once in awhile because it sometimes coincides with Pagan Night Out and all my pagan friends are at least intelligent and conversation worthy.
There is a Gay and Lesbian Community center, which has Gay Bingo and other events, but it is on the other side of town and I hardly get over that way living on the south side of the city.
I have been trying real hard to put myself 'out there' in a social sense, doing everything I can to make myself more social as I have become the Hermit over the past year and 1/2. My veterinarian girlfriend Beth,,, Bless her heart does invite me to go out with her to various music events and different things that are not the norm for me. I need to go out with her more because at least she likes music and we have fun together,,, see TRANSFORMUS post.
My girlfriend Kim says I am just way too picky and should loosen up and just be a whore once in awhile,, which I am not above, but that isn't really me. I agree I am picky, all the men in my life have been beautiful physically and maybe that is part of my shallowness,,, I don't think so, but Kim does and I have wondered about myself of late and how that may be part of the problem.. But hell, if I am not attracted, I am not attracted, and unfortunately attraction for me is on a number of levels.
The body,, of course that is the first thing that strikes someone, and I do like a handsome man just like anyone else out there, but I could me Adonis and if I didn't feel like I would want more than a fling in the hay, I would not really be interested.. I am not out for conquest like so many fags who have counters of the men they have 'done'.
The mind is what really grabs me and makes me horny for more interaction. Like I just said Adonis could hit on me, but if his mind is shallow and mundane, no interest except to look at a beautiful man. I love artists, writers, men who have knowledge of history and politics with the ability to discuss subjects far removed from Will and Grace reruns or Tommy Hilfinger fashion. I don't really get off on sports, except the individual kind like hiking, swimming, and such. I really like outdoorsy types who have a little color on their cheeks not put there in a tanning booth. I tend to like ethnic types, but do not discriminate; I have yet to find a race or ethnic group that I could not find a man I was attracted too. My first 3 relationships, which lasted in order, 9 years, 6 years, 7 years were all WASPS and after SN and I ended our 7 years I decided to follow my attraction to Ethnic men and now tend to be more likely to look twice there as opposed to WASP men... not that I still can't find one or two, just a preference. My first Latino boyfriend only lasted one month, but it was a wonderful month, we are still great friends and I would do anything for Ignacio. He is a real sweetheart.
Julio and I had a long distance relationship when I was still traveling a lot for the software company I worked for back then. He lived in Las Vegas,, and I didn't know it for a while, had a boyfriend. He was an accomplish musician and once when he visited here I took him to the Abbey which is a Roman Catholic minor basilica right here in the heart of the south. We were alone when we enter and he just had to play the piano while there, so he did. That is one of the best memories of my life, sitting listening to this beautiful man play his heart out in this beautiful church. It was hauntingly profound and significant for me. We drove across the desert and visited San Francisco on our last few weeks together. I will never forget the return and how we mutually decided we needed to part. The following year his lover Chris called me and told me that Julio had died, he had a brain hemorrhage that killed him in his sleep. I recalled how the last time we spoke I was cold and aloof, trying to preserve myself and now knowing that was the last time I spoke with him I am so regretful and full of remorse for how I acted.
After that I became despondent and flew to Greece, where I was to meet a wonderful man named Kostas,,, Great God times TEN!!! I was totally floored that he was interested in me at all, in fact that night we meet was a trip, I had about 5 men all over me, all drop dead gorgeous. When I saw Kostas, and he told me he was a journalist, I naturally fell out. Kostas and I of course only lasted for my stay in Greece,, but it was the deal and a memory that I will never forget.
When I returned to America, my ex still lived in the house we bought together with me, so I was trying to get him out of my life so I could move on... took 3 fuckin years but finally accomplished it!!!
And of course, for those who have read my moaning,, there is Giovanni. The icing on the cake of my life. Today, as much as I try, I just am not over this man. I am sure I have ruined more than one chance at finding someone else because Gio Gio permeates so much of my being. The last time I went out I saw this guy who reminded me of Gio Gio and I am sure I made him uncomfortable staring at him,, could not help it. I just looked, didn't even attempt to talk to him so that I would not spoil the illusion that Giovanni was in front of me in some altered form, but somehow here.. Psycho,,, I know.
So, last night, I decide that I will try again at the local bar,, really because I felt like dancing.
I wash clothes, and then of course where something else,, ragged blue jeans and a tank top (fishnet like and all to show the muscles I don't have,, but hey I have to look 1/2 as good as some of the freaks I see out,, so I went for it) Ran into an old fling,, who now is BIG, and still attractive, but hey I am at the weight I was at in high school, 165 to 170 lbs fluctuation. He had to be over 200lbs and still I said to myself,, I would still 'do him' again. He sat there telling me that he was not looking for anyone anymore, as he could tell I was semi hitting on him joking about the carpet burns we both received in our last encounter over a decade or more ago. That was fine, I can handle rejection, just don't lie about it.. He was leaving the bar, came up and hugged me goodbye and turned to see the man HE KNEW I really was cruising standing near me. I watched as he flirted by the exit and then returned to talk to Mr. Mr. beside me. Thank god I had yet to get the nerve to speak, as I was able to watch HomoZexual fagness in action. Say one thing do another. Cest la vie!! Since I wasn't out for conquest, I came home alone like most nights that I venture outside my hermitage. Got home to read that Rachael is BACK!!! and was happy for her and Jake working out the kinks of life. It made me forget the fags, at least knowing someone was repairing things with the love of their life ,,, and made me think Gio Gio,, wish I could just hold him tight right now, as I am sick of being so lonely. Alone I can handle, but the loneliness sucks.