Today, A Good Day to Die

Last night,, which I won't go into, but to say that I went out,, saw queers, (which mostlymade me want to retch) but instead went and ate breakfast with an old friend at 4:00 am in the morning with the waitress who tried to fix me up with some of the Mexican and/or Greek Help. Which would have been OK.. but didn't happen.
Needless to say, I drove home with the sun rising in the east on this beautiful sunday morning. For some reason, I am wide ass awake,, it is now 10:00 am.
I got home and took the dogs out,, and the Monkey Kat, who thinks he is a dog. I love my doggies, and kitties. And I hugged them, and rubbed them, gave them bones as I walked around the yard in some kind of semi Trance like daze. (Lack of Sleep??) The sky is especially beautiful this morning, and the temp is just right, coolness in the air singing of autumn. I watched as the most lovely moth flew around and around near the dog lot. At first I thought it was a butterfly, then got close enough to see it was a moth, but still she was so lovely floating around lightly touching down in the grass once in awhile as if to say,, "hey Scott, come look, Life is Good and so Beautiful'' then flying away faster than I would have imagined a moth could fly. It felt like a really good mushroom trip and I savored every moment of it. Still as I write this it is with me, this feeling of well being and contentedness. Since I haven't felt like this in such a long time, I wonder why I am experiencing it now, as there really was no reason, except that I am ALIVE, and Breathing in air,, which is so crisp and clean today.
This Morning is the kind of day I want to die on. In a self induced extasy of life, I want to die with white puffy clouds covering a palate of blue sky. I want to feel the fur of my 'babies' against me as I lay on the ground, damp with dew and smell the clean September morning before my last breathe.
Yes, I think that today is a good day to die, like the Sioux warriors would say before battle. I have reached a point where I am very OK with my Mortality and maybe my friend whom I had breakfast with has something to do with my state of mind right now.
Dave should be dead. He has a brain tumor the size of a baseball in his head, but is still very joyful and smiles alot. He has went through alot, but the thing that bothers me, is he has not faced his own mortality. I know that in a way he has come to terms with what is happening to him, but I am sad because I think that he is afraid to die and I cannot give him my fearlessness. It is understandable, most people are petrified of death. There are too many unanswered questions about the hereafter/or lack thereof, so this is very understandable.
I tell people that I have already died twice in this life so it doesn't bother me anymore. The day that I was born, I died for about 6 minutes,, which if you check my age you will see was WAY BACK WHEN and 6 minutes was along time,,,, Way back When!! Today it might not be such a big deal, hell they kill people all the time to fix hearts and stuff then bring them back. I think that my BirthDeath affected me in some spiritual way that has caused me to have a yearning to learn of Spirit, and the Mechanics of the Soul. I know everyone doesn't believe in reincarnation, but my BirthDeath allowed me to retain ALOT of memory, and maybe some foreknowledge of some sort. I always 'knew' for example that I would not die before I was twentyone, because of some UFO/extraterrestrial experiences,, and lived fearlessly until then. Afterwards I had to develop a new understanding of my soul experiences and face my Mortality in a different light. Strangely what did it for me was what I call my Mushroom Death. Others would have called it a bad trip, repented and asked Jesus to save them from their wicked ways, I embraced the experience for all it was worth,,, and it was worth alot.. ........ so much so that I still on days like today get another wisp of knowledge from that day. It sings my soul and fills me with wonder.
During the 'worst' of it, my fear was who would take care of my babies!! I distinctly remember holding my 'kids' Pud, the White psycho cat,, Speck who is no longer with me, having passed over the veil at twenty!! that was one cool cat. Mystical the little foxy girlydog,,, all licks and kisses and Titan,, my big boy, black chow/lab mix who as a puppy was bonded to me during yet another mushroom experience,,, I became a dog!! Not a freak just on 'shrooms, but I really became a dog. I know all those out there who read this will think,, Jez dude, you where on drugs,, but I don't see it that way and never will because my mushroom death was exactly like it will be when I do go. I shed one skin for another. My Fear was about those left behind.
My point,, if there is one, is that Today is a good day to die.
Why would I say that? Especially since I don't have a suicidal bone in my body,,, so no one worry that I am doing myself in after this post .... Well because it is, I am ready and when the time comes I will embrace it for the journey it will be the start of, I won't fight it, I will LIVE MY DEATH CONSCIOUSLY.
This is what the Bardo teaches, the way to Die with Consciousness Intact. I intend on my death being such, a conscious aspect of my LIFE!!
We all tell ourselves,, Live today like it is your last,, my second death with the 'shrooms made that something that I can not avoid anymore. Yeah I slip up and get in a mood like everyone else,, but for the most part and especially on days like today, I KNOW, that
Today is a good day to die
Why?
BECAUSE I AM SO ALIVE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May all the Souls which passed over this week, find solace and comfort in their new 'skins', and those they left behind the courage to let them go in peace.