I Question Everything, Therefore I am

I have always wondered why I could not just be like ''everyone'' else and just move along in life, doing what you are supposed to 'do',, you know the Wife(or Husband as my case should be), 2.5 kids and a dog with a picket fence. I always have wanted to ''be normal'' in the sense that I could just be content with a regular Joe job and a life of simplistic joys. That never has been the case, (thank the gods), I have been lucky. But the thing that seems to bother me ,, or should I say used to bother me, is that the more you learn about this world,,, the more sad you can become and the sadness can overwhelm you. I have always wanted to be like the people who can hit a squirrel on the road and not be bothered,, ' that's life and death in the fast lane' .. .. but I can't, hell if I hit a butterfly going down the interstate, I FREAK OUT. I can not even stand to kill flies most of the time,,, reflex eliminates mosquitos that bite me, but I still wince that I have killed something living. I must have been a Jainist in many of my past lives.
Not that my Southern up bringing did not try to squelch the 'wussy' out of me. I remember the first (and last) hunting trip I went on, I killed a bird. When I pulled the trigger, all my friends burst out laughing at me as I screamed "I'M SORRY",,, then literally, they all fell to the ground in hysterics laughing as I freaked out because the bird would not let loose of the limb it was on, and it swung down with it's death grip on that little branch were it took it's last breathe. I was losing it fast as I watched it hang there, knowing I had killed it. I still am mortified that I did that, and will never forget how that bird held on so tightly in its death.
Grandma made me kill a chicken for dinner, wrung its neck, but I did not react the same way, because I knew that it was a 'sacrifice', so that I may live. But , later, I have to admit both incidences were crucial to me becoming a vegetarian.. Which by the way, I will break my diet once in a blue moon if I feel my body say it really needs it, but those times are more and more rare now and I really don't like eating meat, and hope never to again,, but I learned along time ago ,, never say "Never."
So, I grew up in a strange alternate universe that just happens to be in the same place as everyone else here, but most of the time, I really feel out of place and very alone. When I was a teenager, to go along with my UFO beliefs I had a TShirt that read: "I am not from this planet, just visiting'' and honestly, I think,, for a number of reasons this must be true. I think that one of the reasons that I am so far out in regards to Politics is that I just don't understand why people can not just be honest and responsible for themselves and we would have little need for government the way that it dictates our lives. I really do not understand why there is such a need as the twerps that are allowed to govern,,,,,, nevermind,, well, they are watching sheep, and sheep are dumb for the most part. Another thing that most believe in that I have no concept of is......... the Devil..
Yep, good ol Satan himself,, such a bogus dude really,, I mean,, if Heaven is such a deal, why in the hell (ha ha) would anyone want to screw up that gig!!! There really must be something really wrong at the Pearly Gates that would make it so a whole THIRD of the population Outed themselves??? I think that this is a story that really should be looked into,, the real reason Satan said F Heaven. I don't go for the pride stuff either,, I mean surely God is bigger than that? This story will deserve it's own post,, when I decide to go off on the Tower of Babel story.
Here on earth, the devil gets his due, that is for sure, he is the Scapegoat of scapegoats,, as Flip Wilson used to say, 'THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT" Really, never liked that saying, and as a defense in a court of law,,, only in America,, and is something that should never be allowed. What gives, are humans so small minded that they must even as adults lay blame on the invisible "Not ME!!" of childhood. I wish that sometimes I could do that, believe enough to blame some Atavistic image of the negative. Sure I believe in Evil,,, People. And I am sure that out there in the Universe is some badAss who might match the description,, but bet you $100.00 that he is at least some sort of Humanoid being, not a malignant spirit trying to snicker my soul.
So, to close this ,, all I have to say is that if you really are NOT a deep thinker, your lucky. You won't have to contend with Nihlistic philosophies battering your brain, nor question the story your preacher told you as a kid, you will just accept and believe. No solipsism to trip you up making you wonder if you are really the only mind in existance. No Existential mess to contend with as you go about your daily simple life. I really envy you, especially on days like today,, when I just Think to damn much and Question Everything.