Curse of 22 and the I Ching

My best friend Ricky and I share the same birthday, I am one year older. We lived together for almost 6 years, he was here when SN the ex who bought the house with me, was in my life, and the previous man, SC. We know each other in the most intimate way possible without a sexual element being involved. In fact our lives mirrored each others for the longest time, and moods matched almost perfectly. We can discuss things with each other like no one else in our lives would be capable of doing sufficiently. During some of the ''darker'' times we jokingly labeled ourselves as being afflicted with what we call "THE CURSE OF 22"
July 22 in on the cusp of Leo and Cancer, usually it is called Cancer by most astrologers. So, we both mapped out how much we were influenced by the Moon, the ruling 'planet' of Cancer. I must pull out my old 'map' where I discovered which phases of the moon triggered a more emotional response in my life,, it was the New Moon and about 5 days after the Full, which I found to be the time I was born,, five days after a full moon.. We discussed the emotional component of our lives, the needs, wants and desires, and defects that afflict us. Sensitive is the BIG heading. We FEEL. and the Curse of 22 is the moniker we have given our SuperSensitive Natures that FEEL TOO MUCH! If you read my previous posts at all you can see it BLEEDING out of your computer screen. HyperSensitive some say, and just sentimental fags in some peoples opinions, thats OK we have dealt with it all.
When I first meet Ricky , before I left SC(ex's initials not south carolina) and ended up with SN, we used to meet at my house every Monday night for our "THERAPY CLASS" , self modulated and formed for our own sanity, trying to keep a grip on the harsh world that is part of just being an American. Self Help with beer , pizza and the I CHING, or the book of changes! I have used this book my whole life, it is indispensable as a tool for self transformation. It allows you a look into the 'energies' of the moment, and it literally can read you like a book. The synchronicity that this book has dealt out is amazing. I will have to blog just on it one day. Carl Gustave Jung was fascinated as I, with how this book can fit itself to a person who utilizes it for long periods. It is an amazing thing,, should be used by all psychologist in my opinion.
Hell, so anyway,,,, we should have had our own TV show, it would have been funnier than most Dr Phil episodes I am sure, we retained our humor somehow through it all. The name of our diagnosis, the Curse of 22, we related to being born under a fucked up conjunction of sorts, and the effect of living in a world that does not treat Poets and Dreamers too well. The name stuck and we still refer to it, but alot different now.
We now call it the Blessing of 22, and have come to terms with what it means to be a SuperSensitive in this day and age. It is hard, and alot do not make it, thank the deities that I don't have a suicidal bone in my body,, but many with the Curse, kill themselves out of a deep sense of pain that is fed by the uncaring world to them in lethal doses. We learned to be like the snake handlers in those fundy churches and we can get bit over and over again,, now nothing. It has no effect anymore. Hardened,, sorta. More like being resistant due to constant exposure over long periods of time.
Ricky, went later on to do real self medication, by telling his 'Doctor' which drug he wanted to get on,, and damn the Dr. gave him what he wanted!! I being the Medical Heretic, have roughed it out over these years. So, now Ricky is pep talking me, and telling me all of my old create the universe mantras back to me. We taught each other so well. Ricky also, stayed on his drug only for his own prescribed amount of time and then took himself off of it. It worked for him, helping him through some of the rougher spots. I jumped in without a shirt, and bellyflopped onto the broken glass of my life and dove into a pool of alcohol. I promise I am not a masochist,, (maybe a little leather night out once in awhile, but) I am not one who enjoys pain, emotional, physical or otherwise. Lift myself up and out of that!!!!

Some of the lessons that we learned are now short aphorisms we made up for ourselves, or borrowed , such as: Peace is every step. Some of ours are:

Your pain is no greater than mine, nor is my pain greater than yours.

which means, you can not Trump Emotional Pain, with a bigger story, it is meaningless to do so, and an aggrevation to the one in PRESENT PAIN. No need to tell stories sometimes,,, such as,, "well when so and so did that to me,, I was a mess" that doesn't help those afflicted with the Curse of 22. We know you mean well ,, but shut up.

Better to push up daisies while you are living, than when you are dead

this one was developed when we were halfway through our Monday Night Therapy period and it relates to my/our belief that we create our reality by our perceptions. A positive, Pippy Longstocking approach to life is much better and when we walk,, we want Daisies to appear in our footprints,, from our Positive outlook instead of wilting every bush and living thing we come into contact with a bad attitude.

BE, and BE LOVE

BE, is from my constant dragging us back into the present, not letting ourselves live in the past, nor the future for that matter. To BE, means, BE HERE NOW, and it is a difficult thing, but the most important. We can now say to each other in a crowded room,, "Just BE." and we know to pull back into the present moment and LIVE FULLY in that moment. And later we added, BE LOVE, it needs no description I hope, but it is difficult too for many of us, even my ex SN who did not think, sorta caught on, and once busted me rather good in one of my more heated moments and told me to BE LOVE. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think I need to get Ricky to help me remember all of the aphorisms we developed over the years.. some were very funny inside jokes,, like this one which i will have to blog about. PEGGY'S GRAVEL

we have all done this one
Peggy is my mother, the gravel refers to an incident in childhood which made my mother alittle 'mad' and after a property line dispute, she layed plywood down between our house and the neighbors and started shoveling gravel into the 'New" driveway,, I would not help her.. It now means BOUNDARIES to Ricky and me, and we can just say "" Peggy's Gravel"" and be forced to stop from being petty and slightly malicious,,

So, we try to walk the talk of our self discoveries and it was funny how we found that our Curse of 22 was really a Blessing. We had tried to circumvent our own Prime directive of : Your pain is no bigger than my pain. Our elitism regarding how we are SuperSensitives, has made us ,,, in our old age,,, tone it down and reformulate it to now state it as THE BLESSING.
I am very lucky that I feel so deeply. I like the fact that I am upset when I hurt something living. I like the fact that I CAN CRY, but too many accuse me of being emotionally weak, when the reality of it is,, I am stronger than all of it... I just show my emotions without paint or makeup...
Some do not know what it means to Love,
I do, and I Kiss the Pain, bye bye,, and dive in again for more. Life is so Ying and Yang like, ,,,,thank gods for the I CHING book of Changes, it really has helped during the Therapy years and continues to enrich my life. Just to know where you are emotionally is a big head start on things, most can sweep it away and bury it within themselves,,, not those who are of the Blessing of 22, we wear it on our face, in our eyes, or on our sleaves if you will, but we do know one thing. We know how to FEEL. and frankly, if you don't learn that, your life will just be a shallow reflection of what it could have been,, if you gave it your soul.
BE
and BE LOVE, and remember the saying of my favorite Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh,

PEACE IS EVERY STEP

Hopefully, I am over the Melancholy exibitionist stage here on this blog, and will not have to do this again,, but I am capable of showing emotion, on screen and in 3D like you wouldn't believe. Ricky and I call it Processing. So I have processed, now time to move on,, thanks for any and all supportive thoughts at this time, they were deeply appreciated. I used to always sign all of my notes with , Peace is every step, I think I will re start that habit to remind myself.