Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Allow This Blog to Remain?

Wow, Looking back over the post that I have written since I started Blogging, sorta freaks me out. At first, I thought, what the hell are you doing? I mean, airing dirty laundry to the world. But that is me. But have to admit, lately I have wondered at the use of it, and if I should ditch it or not. Then I reread my posts.
Writing the ManWhore thing was an example. Most people would be ashamed, keep quiet,, and maybe I should have, but I see things so differently from the norm. It was invigorating to release that fact that I learned one thing about myself. I can love people. I can love people that I meet and instantly know,,, yep, I love them. There are very few people that I have a hard time loving. I can love the worst of the worst. I will see something,, that obviously only their mothers and I would see, and fall in love with a person who really is an asshole to the rest of the world. Maybe one of the best things I have learned about myself is this ability to love. I used to think it was a handicap, because the users could see me coming... ''There's lover boy,,, let's roll him." and I would get 'rolled' and still love em even though they might have done me really rotten, I still could love them regardless.
My ex's are cases in point. I still love each one,, hell I love them more now, than I did when I was with them, for they have been such great teachers to me. Showing me the ways of a fucked up world, and how every once in awhile some love shines through all the crap.

My best friend Rick, who now lives in Atlanta and I were talking and we talked about the ManWhore thing and how we wrote down all the names of our loves, partners, one night stands etc. and he said something that my other friend Bette taught us. When I was with the ex who bought this house I live in now, she would tell me..."Allow him to have this too..." meaning that I needed to free up some of the tight grip I had on things and just .... allow. Wow, who would have thought that one word would become so important to me. To Allow. Now it is a motto. I do allow. I allow people to be themselves without judgement. I allow for the possiblity that another love, as deep and strong as what I feel for Giovanni, can happen. God, am I allowing that one.!! I allow for nations to be stupid and governments to be useless.. I am learning to let go of so much that before I would grasp and hold tight to MY way. Now, I allow that their are freaks like Rev (and I use the term lightly) Fred Phelps the God Hates Faggots preacher... now if I ever was to meet him,, I might allow him to meet a tomato or two in the face that I grew. But I would Allow those tomato to smack him side the head........ just kidding,,, maybe.
My point is that sometimes, we do not allow those that we love to be themselves. We mold, make, remake them into what we think is best. Sometimes we do not allow ourselves to be who we really are, and that is the biggest mistake of all, not to allow yourself freedom. It is an easy thing, and doesn't take much effort at all, just the release of allowance.
Allow things to happen and they will, allow love into your heart and it will grow beyond anything that you ever imagined possible. Just allow, and see what good comes into your life.

So, I am Allowing this Blog to Stay up. Its all Good, even the bad.

5 comments:

I'm not even supposed to be here today said...

Well, I'm glad you came to that conclusion on your own... because it would have pained me to give you a verbal thrashing!!

The word "allow" is good, but I find it impossible to not mould people. Not that I busily pound sqaure pegs into round holes or anything. But I find it damned near impossible to keep my opinions to myself, especially when I think someone is screwing up. Isn't that part of love, too? Loving someone enough to be straight (no pun intended) with them? True friends/lovers are always helping to shape and mould each other... hopefully for individual and mutual benefit.

You never answered my magick email... did you get it?

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

I join Rachel in her voice of approval about your decision to keep the blog up and the posts as they are.

After all, the blog is about you, and if it helps bring understanding, closure, voice or anger to the surface, and meaning to your life, than you have indeed done yourself a great service.

Be well.

Linda Jones Malonson said...

What a wonderful concepts --- "allow". I am echoing the ladies ahead of me, I am glad you kept the Blog up.

I have said some raw things on my Blog, hit the black man upside the head hard, and got threatening emails; still my Blog shall not be removed.

I find sharing a wonderful art, and not many folks have that talent. You do, and it shows. I love the way you paint the pictures of your life, with vivid colors --- with a sense of humanity that touches hearts.

Bravo Scott, Bravo!

EarthCitizen #23 said...

And as you Know, I love being in the company of such beautiful intelligent women,,,, thank you all for the support and wonderful words of wisdom I am able to recieve from you.. Sharing is an Art. That is very profound.

Unknown said...

Simply put:

Allow .... Allow ... Allow ....

Allow yourself to breathe.